Participant Testimonial – I Am Good

by LC

Our Facilitated Conversation session led me to touch upon “the inner barren lands” within me, making a conscious connection with the underlying colors of my life for the first time. Entering this uncharted territory, I found belonging and tranquility. I felt at peace, resonating deeply with the land.

I realized I had touched upon a vital part of my life. I’ve always expressed a desire to build my home and plant my garden, envisioning this as my mission. And now, I’ve finally found my land to cultivate, my foundation. No longer adrift, seeking acceptance or scraps of love from others, I discovered my own treasures and resources. I’m ready to build my home and create my garden on my own life’s soil.

After the session, I felt more accepting of stepping into a new phase of life, less resistant. However, I thought reconciling with the visible signs of aging and embracing the inner peace of “I am good” would take time, as it wasn’t easy.

My counselor reminded me to allow this inner transformation of “I am good” to unfold easily and naturally in my life. This was an eye-opener, as I had habitually seen change as burdensome. It was a new permission I granted myself.

At that time, I was twenty days into an allergy that affected only the skin around my eyes. Initially minor, the allergy worsened because I continued to wear eye makeup. For over ten years, makeup was part of my routine, especially for work, though it had simplified to just eyeshadow and eyeliner. This bit of makeup gave me comfort to face others confidently.

As the allergy intensified, I realized my fear had me clinging to this makeup, as if it validated me. But was this true? I pondered if what I was holding onto was just an illusion.

With this realization, I stopped wearing makeup to work. At first, I was shy, hesitant to look others in the eye. Gradually, I became more comfortable, more at ease, and started to accept my bare-faced reflection in the mirror. It wasn’t bad—it was authentically me.

I embraced my natural face in interactions with the world. Discovering the extra sleep I could get from not applying or removing makeup was delightful.

This doesn’t mean I’ve given up makeup forever. Now, it’s about choice—I can wear makeup or go bare-faced, all out of love for myself. Gone are the days when I’d apply makeup amidst an allergic reaction out of fear and insecurity. That rigid mindset, trapped in a belief that I wasn’t good enough, brought despair.

This breakthrough, prompted by dealing with my allergy, helped me overcome the internal struggle with aging. A few days after giving myself permission, I made a significant breakthrough, which moved me to tears.

This wasn’t just about the present; it had deeper implications. Thirty years ago, as a teenager who thought her calves were too thick, I struggled with eating disorders for almost seventeen years—a long and somber chapter in my life.

Now, at a similar crossroads, I chose to step out of that cocoon. Taking this step was crucial for me.

I’m sharing this with you because emotional guidance has been a pivotal part of my healing journey. I am grateful for the support. Thank you.